A Matter of the Heart

The other day I was at a family gathering when my 20-year-old cousin rushed over to say hello to me. Her blouse was so revealing; I saw her chest long before she hugged me.

All her business was hanging out!

I didn't criticize her or give her a lecture in Legalism 101. I gently reminded her about the message some women send when they wear sensual, low-cut, too-short clothing. She agreed with me and covered up.

But my cousin isn't the only Christian I know who needs a safety pin.

Several years ago, I reported on a story about a well-known female preacher who arrived at a Pentecostal conference wearing an extremely tight dress. The leaders of the group apologized to attendees and promised, "She will never preach here again." And a young woman once told me about her experience at a church near Atlanta, where the pastor and many of the church's male leaders dressed in sexy-looking, tight muscle shirts.

"I struggled with lust in the past," she told me, "so I got out of that place as fast as my feet could take me!"

But in a culture of low-rise jeans and scantily-clad divas (remember Janet Jackson?), godly women need to be a light to others.

I didn't say be a prude; I like to look good. I'm saying talk to the girls and women you have influence with and give them guidance. My daughter is 20, and I still have to remind her that her clothing should reflect Christ, not the world.

Ask them the following questions: What statements do I make about myself with the clothes I wear? Does my clothing satisfy me, or does it please God? Is what I wear a reflection of the Word of God, self-control and appropriate attire, or do I identify with popular culture and worldliness in the way I dress? What standard do I use when selecting clothing—Beyonce’s or the Bible's?

I believe the issue of modesty is actually a matter of the heart. When we love God, we will do our best to represent Him.

What's in A Name

I've been involved in women's ministry for some time now, but one of the areas I really enjoy is mentoring. I taught Sunday school for five years at my church and got a chance to mentor both teenagers and some of my own peers. It's a blessing to help other women become who God intends for them to be.

But as a mentor, I am sometimes taken aback by what I see and hear among our youth today.

For instance, several years ago I was talking with my daughter's friend who needed a ride home from cheerleading practice. I thought I'd use my drive time with her to do some mentoring, since she was a Christian and a close friend of the family.

I began to tell her about the importance of having personal integrity and why a young lady's life should be defined by godly character and self-respect, not popular culture. But our discussion abruptly changed when she suddenly blurted out something I was not prepared for.

"This guy called me a cute b - - - - today."
"What!" I yelled.
"It wasn't as bad as you think. It was meant to be a compliment."

As disturbing to me as the young man's statement was, I was bothered more that this young lady was flattered by his use of profanity to describe her. Offensive, sexually explicit language is used so commonly today, it's become the norm in society.

When comedian Michael Richards, best known as Kramer from the hit sitcom Seinfeld, used the N-word during his racial tirade at a California comedy club some time ago, people were rightly horrified. Kramer is white, and his words were quickly deemed racist.

But in neighborhoods not far from that club, young black men use the same word commonly as a so-called term of endearment.

How can the same word be used as hate speech and a term of friendship? It can't be.

I'm black and a woman, and I know what it is for my skin to curl up because someone has called me a racially offensive word. But successful, mostly black hip-hop singers and rappers make millions of dollars while spewing the N-word; the B-word, and the H-word in their videos and CDs. Their lyrics not only are denigrating; they are giving an entire generation license to disrespect women.

My young friend was so accustomed to hearing foul language used among her classmates that she allowed a student to disrespect her and didn't even bother to correct him.

I believe there is a deeper issue than name-calling at the root of this problem, one that Jesus considers vile. In Matthew 15:17, He says: "But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man" (KJV).

Let's start today making a difference in the lives of young women. Talk to them. Tell them they are valuable. Let them know they are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. It is our responsibility to tell them about Him.

Don't Be Afraid

What would you do if you weren't afraid? Would you go back to college to pursue a master's degree, start a women's Bible study in your home or muster up the nerve to quit your job and go into full-time ministry?

I know people who have done all of the above and today they are living fulfilled lives. Their success isn't characterized by spiritual bliss; but they have an inward peace and contentment that comes from being in the perfect will of God. They overcame the fears that tried to prevent them from fulfilling their destinies.

Fear is debilitating. Its grip is often rooted in lies and deception. Sadly, it is the downfall of many women who have unbridled potential inside them. Instead of doing what God has placed in their hearts, they allow fear to snuff out the Holy Spirit's voice.

I have five sisters, and the youngest one is full of adventure. When April graduated from high school, she went bungee jumping to celebrate. She's always exploring new opportunities. Though she sometimes fails miserably in her pursuit of them, my little sister inspires me because she isn't afraid to try new things.

Someone once said the word "fear" is an acronym for: False Evidence Appearing Real. Second Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (NKJV).

The opposite of fear is faith, and God wants you to trust Him with every area of your life. He has given you many gifts, talents and abilities, and He wants you to use them for His glory.

So don't allow the enemy to bind you with fear. He's a liar! Believe the Word and get busy. There is no need to be afraid.

A Knock at the Door

Last week I was sick. I mean really sick. My throat hurt, my body ached, and I had a dangerously high temperature of 103 most of the time. I missed four days of work, which was a first for me in 12 years.

By the time I dragged myself to the doctor's office, I was miserable. She gave me a prescription for antibiotics but said it would take 24 hours for the medicine to kick in and make me feel better. I thought to myself: This is going to be the longest night of my life.

But later that evening, there was a knock at the door. "Valerie, we've come to spend the night with you."

I'm an adult, but my parents love me immeasurably and they continue to prove it to me with actions. My mother prayed for me, and my dad got busy trying to get my fever to go away. He put cold alcohol compresses on my forehead all during the night, and my temperature dropped to 98 degrees. Praise God! I thought.

Isn't that like God? He knows when we are sick, hurting or in need of a financial blessing and responds to us. And even though we don't always ask for His help (I didn’t call my parents and ask them to stay over and nurse me back to health), He helps us because He loves us.

Psalm 46:1 says, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" (NKJV). The Bible also says that He'll never leave us nor forsake us, that the Son of righteousness will arise with healing in His wings, and He sent His word to heal them. The Bible is replete with Scriptures about God's love and commitment to us.

No matter what's going on in your life. God is always present. So if you need healing, joy, favor, wisdom—anything—trust Him for it. It is His good pleasure to help His children.

Satisfaction Guaranteed!

Where are you in your walk with the Lord? Are you in the beginning stage and your relationship with Him is like newfound love and everything seems perfect? Or are you in the throes of a hardship and can't seem to hear God, though you know from past experiences He's with you?

If you can relate to either question trust me, so can I.

Several years ago I regularly struggled with discontentment. I was so disheartened by what I considered a spiritual problem that I spent hours seeking God for an answer--and relief! I would pray in my car, in the office, at my daughter’s cheerleading practice, everywhere. But nothing changed.

The uneasiness I sensed was the last thing on my mind when I went to bed at night and the first thing to flood my thoughts when I awoke the next day. I started to concede defeat and remain unhappy when God spoke to me through His Word.

“For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with good things” (Ps. 107:9, NKJV).

At that moment I knew what God meant. I had experienced many highs in my walk with the Lord. I was used to the Father blessing me every time I sought His hand, so I became relaxed in my relationship with Him. But God wanted more, so He started prodding and creating in me dissatisfaction for “business as usual” as a Christian.

As I write this blog, I cannot adequately describe what God did for me during that season of my life, but I can say I learned never to take His goodness, favor and presence for granted. Yes, God blesses us with earthly blessings, but He is the only person who can satisfy that deep yearning we have for Him. In fact, it is He who creates it.

So no matter where you are in your walk with the Lord, whether on the mountaintop of life or in the valley of hardships, stay close to Him and seek His face. He will respond. I guarantee you!

Valerie Lowe is editor of spiritledwoman.com.