Beware of PMS
As a single woman and someone who is involved in women's ministry, I often blog and talk about issues that are relevant to singles. But of all the topics I tackle, none generates more interest than the issue of sex.
Christian singles have sex—or want to have sex—too. But the church isn't always comfortable talking about it, so I will.
Of course, the Bible is clear about sex outside of marriage—it's prohibited. But that hasn't stopped the number of out-of-wedlock births from climbing—both inside and outside the church. Even when a sexual liaison doesn't result in pregnancy, PMS (pre-marital sex) can produce soul ties that lead a person into one unhealthy relationship after another.
Sadly, some Christian singles behave as if there are no ill effects to sex outside of marriage—but there are! And now science is catching up with the Bible.
According to Dr. Freda McKissic Bush, a Christian, a board-certified OB-GYN and co-author of Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex Is Affecting Our Children, PMS and extramarital affairs can unleash a host of psychological and emotional problems in a person's life.
"Science shows us that the largest sex organ is our brain," Dr. Bush wrote in a recent column. "Scientific evidence reveals that the brain releases a series of hormones that knit individuals in relationship, which complement the biblical vision of two becoming one flesh. For a female, when there is meaningful physical touching, oxytocin is produced in the brain that bonds her to a mate. Similarly, men have the same reaction when the chemical vasopressin is released."
Dr. Bush said there is another chemical that comes into play: "Dopamine is a brain hormone that rewards us for doing exciting activities. The God-given gift of sex is exciting and when the bonding act of love is rewarded with dopamine, we become 'hooked,' even addicted, to this bonding activity with our mate. Within the confines of marriage this is healthy and in accordance with God's intent.
"When an individual begins to search for extramarital opportunities to satisfy their natural desire for a dopamine fix, the consequences include a chemical bond that literally addicts that person to sin. God's desire is to free us from such slavery."
Are you addicted? If so, I urge you to reconsider the consequences your behavior will have on not only your emotional health but also on your relationship with God.
Ask the Father to give you the strength to break your addiction to PMS, walk away from inappropriate relationships—and to give you the ability to wait on Him for a mate. Make a decision today to get hooked on Him.
Christian singles have sex—or want to have sex—too. But the church isn't always comfortable talking about it, so I will.
Of course, the Bible is clear about sex outside of marriage—it's prohibited. But that hasn't stopped the number of out-of-wedlock births from climbing—both inside and outside the church. Even when a sexual liaison doesn't result in pregnancy, PMS (pre-marital sex) can produce soul ties that lead a person into one unhealthy relationship after another.
Sadly, some Christian singles behave as if there are no ill effects to sex outside of marriage—but there are! And now science is catching up with the Bible.
According to Dr. Freda McKissic Bush, a Christian, a board-certified OB-GYN and co-author of Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex Is Affecting Our Children, PMS and extramarital affairs can unleash a host of psychological and emotional problems in a person's life.
"Science shows us that the largest sex organ is our brain," Dr. Bush wrote in a recent column. "Scientific evidence reveals that the brain releases a series of hormones that knit individuals in relationship, which complement the biblical vision of two becoming one flesh. For a female, when there is meaningful physical touching, oxytocin is produced in the brain that bonds her to a mate. Similarly, men have the same reaction when the chemical vasopressin is released."
Dr. Bush said there is another chemical that comes into play: "Dopamine is a brain hormone that rewards us for doing exciting activities. The God-given gift of sex is exciting and when the bonding act of love is rewarded with dopamine, we become 'hooked,' even addicted, to this bonding activity with our mate. Within the confines of marriage this is healthy and in accordance with God's intent.
"When an individual begins to search for extramarital opportunities to satisfy their natural desire for a dopamine fix, the consequences include a chemical bond that literally addicts that person to sin. God's desire is to free us from such slavery."
Are you addicted? If so, I urge you to reconsider the consequences your behavior will have on not only your emotional health but also on your relationship with God.
Ask the Father to give you the strength to break your addiction to PMS, walk away from inappropriate relationships—and to give you the ability to wait on Him for a mate. Make a decision today to get hooked on Him.
posted by Strang Webmaster at
1:00 AM
15 Comments:
I'm thankful that someone is willing to address this issue. I speak from experience when I say that this article is completly true. My story had a happy ending, unlike so many girls who are left to deal with this alone. When as a Bible College Student I dabbled in the temptation of sex & became pregnate. My boyfriend & I both wanted to follow God's will & prayfully decided to get married. We are now in our 8th year of full time ministry & have 2 wonderful kids. But it isn't always easy. Especially when your 10 year old beginns asking questions, & you realize that She needs to be taught that while she is not a mistake, our actions were. The guilt that I carried for 8 years, before I could completly accept that God had forgiven me, almost destroyed our ministry, our marriage, my relationship with my daughter, & my relationship with my Lord. Anyone who is involved with this temptation needs to talk to their clergy & get some strong Biblical guidance, trust me they are not there to judge you, they only want to help.
Thanks for this article! It seems to be an untouchable subject in the body of Christ. Although i have sex-free for the past 5 years, I was still holding on to the unhealthy relationship. Until 2 months ago when through Gods help I was able to step out of the relationship completely. I neveer thought about it being addictive, but now I see that it truly was. So ladies we cant break the addiction ourselves. We have to rely on God. Remember he is our Strong Deliverer. Please seek Godly-Counsel. Psalms 1:1-6
Awesome, I thank God for the article and the comment where the personal testimony was shared. I grew up in church, knew I was called to ministry, and ran from God. My daughter was conceived out of wedlock, I carried guilt for a long time, but thankfully I learned to forgive myself. My daughter is eight, she ask questions, but I explain the sin I committed, and I encourage her to be better and to be all that God purposed her to become! For truly, what the enemy meant for bad God turns it around for our good! I teach her about God and communing with Him through prayer, praise, and worship! In the times I am overwhelmed, God uses her to minister to me!
As a single Christian woman, PMS has been a issue for me as well. I thank God that he is able to keep us and that prayer changes things. It is is extremely hard to resist the temptation of PMS when the flesh rises up. PMS has very serious and sometimes deadly consequences. When a man comes along and seems to be "the one", but sees nothing wrong with PMS, it can cause confusion and bad choices. I encourage all single women and men who are saved, filled with the holy spirit and who utlimately want to walk upright with Jesus, to abstain from sex. My pastor told me to wait on Jesus and that He does have someone for me, in His time. The devil is very cunning and will use every trick in his bag of deception to pull the annointed of God from their calling. If the desire for a mate is your area of weakness. WATCH OUT! Pray and ask the Lord for dissernment and direction, and most importantly follow his instruction for your life, even though it may hurt to let go of someone who you had such high hopes for. Know that God loves you and will bless you with more than you could ever ask or hope for, in return for your obedience. God bless everyone who reads this...I know your struggle.
well said. it is true that pms is devastating. i participated in the living waters group, twice and then co-facilitated it for a year. i still on occassion struggle with this issue myself, but seeking out the Lord is the best answer. He will help you through. maintaining firm boundaries, taking care not to put yourself into places where pms can become an option are important too. using His wisdom, His grace and an accountability partner all help to maintain that purity that He wants us to walk in. i believe that if we look to Him at those times, He will fill the desire for intimacy within us. i also found reading elizabeth elliott's book purity in passion a help to determine some of the boundaries i wanted for my own life. thanks for addressing this very serious issue that so many want to avoid. let's shout the truth so our next generation doesn't have to hide with shame from these temptations.
As a mother, I am thankful that Front Line addresses this issue so clearly, so biblical and in such an open way. Our family suffered the pregnancy of one of our daughters and it was devastating. Our children were born and raised in church, but church and parents sometimes do not address these issues in a proper manner, if any.
I'm also very grateful for the candor of this article. I have faced the challenge of remaining holy, consecrated, solely devoted to God as a single young woman. After fasting, praying and consecrating myself before the Lord, God broke my inclination to engage in PMS. I have found that God will keep you, if you allow Him to do so. I encourage any young woman to be honest with the Lord and talk to Him about whatever challenge you may face in your Christian walk. I have found that He is there to help us become victorius in any area we have difficulty. I am a witness God will take you through temptation victoriuosly, if you allow Him. Also, if you fall, He is there to pick you up and guide you back to the place He desires for you to be in Him. He's just plain faithful!
I too struggled with PMS for years after being saved. Each time I would do it I felt sick to my stomach, guilty, ashamed, you name it. I couldn't understand how some of my Sisters in Christ could have PMS and not feel like crap afterward.
With much prayer, I have been celibate for 9 months (that's a big thing for me) and I plan on waiting for my husband. I'm tired of grieving the Holy Spirit with my selfishness. Also, it's very hard to break free from those soul ties.
If anyone is still struggling with this issue, be encouraged that God will keep you if you want to be kept.
Thank you so much for this article. I have been single for about 10 years. I was married for about 5 yrs and once the marriage was over, I asked God to keep me. He is faithful but it has not been easy. I get frustrated because sometimes the church doesnt talk candidly enough about this subject. God made sex, so why is the church so afraid to address this issue? The world doesnt have an issue with it. It is flunted as much as possible anywhere possible. All one has to do is look at the television and all you see is sex! Its almost like it is a disease or something when it comes to this issue in the church. When it is talked about its usually addressed in a way that is beyond some of our reach.
I am one that is not looking for a relationship. What I have come to realize is that a relationship is a responsibility and so is having sex. These are responsibilities that I really dont want to deal with at least not right now. Yet although my heart and mind is not here, I still struggle with sexual thoughts, which brings about feeling of condemnation. I just desire that the church will be upfront and deal with this because if we dont, those who are in the church will find ungodly ways of dealing with this situation. May God help us to love those who have fallen and help those who are struggling.
Thank you for this article. I am so happy that someone is willing to talk about this issue. Sometimes the church walks around the issue as if it doesnt exist but when we ignore it, thats when we get into trouble. The enemy tried to get me caught up in this type of situation not too long ago. Had it not been for the Lord's grace on my life, there is not telling where I would be. I thank God for helping me. I wasnt even involved in a relationship but the enemy nevertheless used the compassionate spirit that God has given me to try to decieve me. This is something we have to be careful with as well. Christian are very compassionate and the enemy knows that. He will pervert what Christ has given us for his use if we dont have discernment. I learned a very valuable lesson behind opening my heart even if it is to help someone. God doesnt want us to give our hearts away to anyone but Himself. He is jealous and believe me, when He sees us giving our hearts, He will at times forcefully step in. This is how much He loves us. I am grateful for His love because the situation could have really gotten out of hand had He not stepped in. I praise Him for it!!!!!
This is all too close to home, too real to ignore. I have spent a lifetime loving a man that I never married, loving a man that I refused to choose after my 1st marraige left me alone as a single parent. Yet I still love him, or is it truly love or this chemical attraction that is called "PMS". I prayed to God for years to be released from this attraction. I divorced my first husband and continued praying that I would not be alone forever. I stepped completely out of the relationship with this other man and stopped all forms of contact, believing this would correct the situation. I later thought I had found someone that could keep my mind free of this other man and it worked for about 3 years but didn't last. My marriage separated but not because I have chosen to be with this other man but because of reasons beyond my control. We are working on our relationship but it is moving very slow. I pray that God will continue to be their for me throughout our soul searching in times of revelation. Also during this time I have spoken with this other man and have felt more than compelled to see him. The attraction is far more than sex, far more than physical attraction and I don't what to do. Every artical I read, every scripture I read and everything coming my way is giving me advice to stay with God and keep the faith but yet I am weak. I really don't know what is next but I do believe that "if you continue to do what you have always done, you will result in what you have always resulted" I believe for me that this means, If I enter back into this relationship that I will always be alone. Is the loneliness my punishment?
I thank God that we as the Body of Christ are getting real about issues we deal with everyday. I have wrestle with this sin and have two children out of wedlock to prove it. But being honest with God is the only way. This is when true healing can begin. The Word of God said Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. So when we can begin to be honest about the things we wrestle with; we can truly be set free. To God be All the Glory. Thanks again for bringing this topic up.
I truly was enlighten by this topic. It answered many doubts. Now I know I am in the right track. Avoiding situations that will make me unholy has helped. I've been sex-free for 5 years now and I do feel more at ease and less guilty. I can breathe. I no longer loose my soul . For me having sex has to be connected to being in love , and because casual sex does not satisfy women's desires of a committed relationship. I feel free since I no longer have sex.
I personally get tired of the churh's focus on sex. We all know that the majority of christians lose the abstinence battle...THE MAJORITY. What makes me sick and tired of the "weight on the wait" is that married preachers are always prophesying to single women that some knight in shining armour will show up on their door step full of the Holy Ghost and require no physical involvement with them at all and will immediately escort them to the throne of holy sexual communion. All of this if they just deny their sexual self. It is a myth. Any young woman with half a brain can observe that the number of women in the church versus the number of available, quality men in the church is at a very disappointing,bleak imbalance. The fear of never getting that spiritual, god-fearing, man has settled into the minds and hearts of single women (especially black women) and they are finding themselves sexually frustated, spiritually exhausted, and mentally confused as they attempt to answer the age old question, Why Am I Still Single. God gave all of us sexual urges and desires and the need to be loved, touched, and cared for. Unfortunately, too many church leaders have so over-emphasized the PMS issue that most people have begun to disregard their other transgressions for which they are just as responsibile but are held less accountable. I get tired of the negative light shone on some single person stumbling at the one sin that is the most difficult to disengage or control while others are walking in envy, pride, and evil but they are heralded as pillars of the gospel and icons of the ministry. Give me a break! I say to single people to obey the Lord, confess and repent when He tells you, and don't let lying church folk decide for you. Get in a church where leadership strengthens, encourages, and covers you as a single person struggling to be the best vessel you can be for the Father. And remember, not everyone will be married. Stop making marriage your priority and start making purpose your destiny. You may visit my website at www.greatercallministries.com
Great article. Thank you for dealing with this needed topic. I had for many years found myself engaged inPMS - looking for love, looking for companionship I found PMS instead. I have finally come to realize that Jesus was whoI needed all along. If I had spent that time with Him and in His word, allowing Him to love me, I could have been spared a world of heartache and shame. Not only did my actions result in two children out of wedlock, but a few abortins also. Thank God for His grace, mercy and forgiveness. Yes, if you find yourself tempted or in this situation, seek Godly counsel, but very sure they are full of the Spirit and love of God because some will judge.
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