THE ISSUE OF RESTORATION (2)

I am so grateful to all of you who commented on this really tough subject. I can sense from the kind of searching, thoughtful things you've said, that this is a conversation we need to stay with for a little longer.

We come together on a number of points. We are all on the same page when it comes to the seriousness of a pastoral leader’s fall. We all believe fully in the grace and power of God to restore, and we seem to be in agreement with the fact that there must be accountability in place to deal with these situations before they happen.

It appears that you have all survived the feelings of sadness, anger and betrayal. Some of you, however, may still be struggling with trust issues. On this subject, Nancy wrote: “It seems that while we forgive and work to restore, that issue of trust takes much, much longer to rebuild.” That’s what I’ve come to believe as well. Which is why I also think, like some of you, that a time away from the preaching and leadership duties for a fallen ministerial leader is not unreasonable. Quite possibly, too, it is a strong indicator of his/her spiritual and emotional state.

I’ve often shared my reflections on having been a part of the PTL ministry during its time of calamity. I’ve told you how devastating it was for many years after, dealing with the fallout of those situations.

As awful as it was, PTL was not my first experience with pastoral failure. At one time, I was a member of a church where a ministry leader, not the senior pastor, fell in a grievous way that betrayed his calling, his wife and his congregation. When the senior pastor made the announcement to the church, a wail rose from those who were present. We cried out to God in that service in a way I’d never seen before.

We wept. We begged God to mercifully rescue our brother and save him from destruction. I can remember the pall this loss cast over our congregation for several days. Our hearts were broken at the thought that our brother had removed himself from our fellowship and his sinful choices were removing him from God’s protection. We were grief stricken, angry and fearful for his life.

Again, for days, we mourned, until God broke through. A brother’s prophetic word lifted us, broke through our sorrow and reminded us of God’s faithfulness and power to deliver. This turned the tide for us all, and God brought a release to our hearts for the burden we carried.

Months later, our brother returned, but only for a short while. He had chosen the path he wanted. I do not know if he ever chose to fully repent and accept God’s discipline and restoration.

In her book, When Godly People Do Ungodly Things, Beth Moore reminds us that loving restoration is the ultimate goal for a fallen leader. However, she does not appear to sanction a continuance or return to ministerial service without some indication of true change. She wrote: “I do not believe in any stretch of the imagination that God wills for the church or the body of Christ to refuse a fallen or otherwise seduced servant who has been wholeheartedly, sincerely and purely devoted to Christ the right to serve again….I will not argue that times exist when the type of service may need to change, but to refuse a true servant, which many of these have been, the right to serve at all is nearly to destroy him.”

What do you think? If a moral failure shouldn’t disqualify a leader permanently, what should we look for and how should we pray for him or her?

Brenda J. Davis is editor of Spiritled Woman.

WHAT IS AUTHENTIC RESTORATION?

We all hope we'll never have to experience a pastoral leader's moral failure, but it has certainly happened to many of us. What do you do when the pastor you've looked to for guidance and leadership admits to leading (or having led) a double life? Where do you get a solid biblical understanding of what God requires in this situation?

The other day a colleague of mine raised just this question. The Scriptures give us a hopeful expectation that restoration is indeed possible. In fact, Paul wrote: “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted” (Gal. 1:3, NIV). But there are hundreds of interpretations as to what this means and how it is to be applied.

Most often leaders do not choose to reveal their hidden struggles with sin until a scandal erupts, provoking a response of some sort. Usually, the first response is only the tip of the iceberg. Subsequent revelations, denials and accusations will leave a congregation dizzy and also weary of having to explain their leader’s behavior.

What is a church member to do when a pastor falls? Should you leave or stay?

It’s too bad, but sadly, many of us will have to wrestle with these issues at some point in our lives. I’ve had my own little world rocked by pastoral leader’s moral failure more than once. It is not an easy situation to deal with or overcome.

This week, I wanted to raise some questions and open up the discussion. I happen to know that there are some desperate for answers among us.

Let me know your thoughts on this very serious topic. Your comments need not reveal the names of individuals and specific details, but I’d like to know how you coped, what happened to your faith and how you made your decision as to stay or go.

I firmly believe that everyone can be restored. But it is not always easy to know what that looks like. Tell me what you think authentic restoration is and what your experiences have been.

Below are a few questions I’d like for you to consider. You need not address all of them (or any of them), but share a little about what the situation was like for you and how you survived it. Also, I’m wondering what opinions and wisdom you have about how these situations are best handled.

Next week, I’ll weigh in with more of my own personal thoughts, and I’ll add to the mix the counsel of others who are knowledgeable at dealing with matters such as these. This week, it’s your turn. Sound off!

• What were your general experiences with a leader’s fall?
  
  
• What do you believe it means to restore someone?
  
  
• Are the requirements the same for everyone, or are there different standards for those in pastoral leadership?
  
  
• Should a pastoral leader always resign after a moral failing?
  
  
• What should the process be by which a pastoral leader is restored to his or her position?
  
  
• How do you know when a pastor has met the requirements for being restored to their leadership position?
  
  
• If he or she does not resign but continues to serve as they had before the fall, would you remain in that local church?
  
  
• In the process, as you observed it, what worked and what went wrong.
  

Brenda J. Davis is editor of Spiritled Woman.

YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND

First off, let me warn you that what you're about to read is highly controversial. Indeed, I've struggled as to whether or not I should even be sharing such things through this medium.

However, you may be sorry to know, I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind and let you in on a secret. I am very fond of “warm fuzzies.” Yes it’s true. In fact, I am a firm believer that our world would be better off if we each took the task of sharing kindnesses as seriously as we took the need for vitamins everyday.
Encouraging words and thoughtful gestures are essential to our survival. Sometimes a well-timed, heartfelt smile, touch, word or comment can mean life or death for someone.

A while ago, I learned a powerful lesson in a Chinese restaurant. At the time, I lived and worked in different cities, and had a long commute home. One evening, I’d worked late and by the time I hit the city limits I was starving. Nothing would do but to swing into one of my favorite dining establishments for something already prepared for me to eat.

I placed my takeout order, and the hostess took it and then disappeared through the kitchen door. Suddenly, she was back, and in her hands she had a cup of hot, fragrant tea. She led me to a table and gently set the cup and saucer in front of me. “Here, sit,” she said.

I didn’t just sit, though, I collapsed into the chair, wearier than I ever remembered being, and immediately sipped from the best cup of tea I’ve ever had in my life. There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord Himself prepared it, and then assigned an angel to serve it to me. This I know: That kindness came straight from heaven.

This event took place 10 years ago, and I may not remember the taste of the tea, but I never ever forgot the way this woman’s sensitive, caring gesture made me feel. The emotion that her simple thoughtfulness generated has stayed with me. I never knew if she was a believer or not, but God certainly used her to comfort this weary traveler that night.

Since that time, I’ve followed her example many times, and I’ve made countless cups of tea myself, for my mom, my sister and even a co-worker, who just needs a special touch in the middle of a hectic afternoon’s schedule. I want everyone to feel what I felt. Most of the time, the transformation is immediate—and long lasting.

On another occasion, I was staying with a very dear Christian friend, Roz. She barely knew me at the time, but opened her home to me when I was recovering from a major operation. Apart from the unrelenting attention she paid me in looking after me in practical ways, Roz was always praying for me. One day, she just looked at me strangely, then said, “God bless you, Brenda” and changed my world.
What she said had the ability to deliver to me the reality and the promise that God Almighty had taken notice of me.

Theologian Calvin Miller put it this way: “We can and should do something to help color our drab world with beauty and truth. We are sent to demonstrate to our isolated world that God has not left it friendless” (The Power of Encouragement, Tyndale House Publishers).

Make it an exercise and let that exercise become a habit. Ask the Lord to lead you to the one who needs to hear a good and hearty “God bless you.” Then ask them how they take their tea!

Brenda J. Davis is editor of Spiritled Women.